It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
