I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just found a bag of teeth...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
