that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
