Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
