First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
