Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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