conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
