The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
