Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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