Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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