I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
