A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
