Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
