she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
