If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
