wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
