He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
