I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Randomize
