i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
