i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
