Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
