just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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