she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Randomize
