Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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