yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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