There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
