How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
