I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
