its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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