i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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