then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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