laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
