Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
