I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
