He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
