You smell like stripper and shame
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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