But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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