i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He felt like a one man threesome
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
