I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
