Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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