So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
