I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
