3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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