Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Randomize
