I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
