Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
