Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
