I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
