Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
