Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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